heart ache

So for the second time, I have broken my own heart.  Cut and run because it became tough.  Why do I do this?  Part of me feels like if I do it, then it can't be done to me.  Sad really.  I loved someone, which was a surprise even to me.  I'm so thankful to have had that person in my life, to show me it was possible to love again.  But that love scared me.  I don't want to become that person again who's judgement is clouded by my love. 
I had to make a tough decision, that I now regret.  But I still feel it was the right decision for me.  There were dynamics that I had never had to deal with and was unsure of what to do.  I probably blew things out of proportion,looking back it doesn't seem as bad as I thought.  But there are still those uncertainties and questions.  Can I live with those uncertainties? Is it worth continuing when down the road we could be right back here? So that more damage is done and more heart ache is caused.  It's hard to know which way to go anymore. 
I was scared.  Scared of myself. Scared of becoming angry and resentful.  Scared of not knowing what the outcome would be.  The damage is done and even if we tried again, I don't think it will ever be the same as it was.  We will both always question each other,our loyalty,our love, and our future together.  The plans we had, the dreams we had don't look so possibly now.  We will always be trapped in this place of negativity.  Will we ever be able to love each other again,as strongly as we did before?