To tell the truth

So why is it so hard for some people to tell the truth.  Or is it their interpretation of the truth?

So I have worked with this individual for over a year now.  From the very beginning she has been untrust worthly and disrepsectful.  I have learned to tolerate.  But not wihtout the expense of my sanity.  You can tell when you meet her that she thinks everyone is beneath her.  She is comparably transparant when she speaks to you.  You can tell she is trying so hard to be nice but its almost painful for her.  Many of us stay because we learned to just tolerate it on some level.  Many are not strong enough to endure the humiliation. 

So a new wind of change has come blowing through our little world.  Bringing hope and just a glimce of a better tomorrow.  But it comes with a price, patientence.  Something that is growing very thin.  I realize good things come to those who wait, but I have been waiting for far to long.  So have the rest.  Why is it that someone has been able to snake their way through all this time?  So does she really think we are this nieve or is she really this nieve? 

I know one thing.  It is about freaking time to do something.  I am so tired of listening to the bullshit that comes spewing out of her mouth.  I am so tired of dealing with the stupidity.  So you think by repeating yourself to everyone that it will make us believe you more?  Lady if you have to make us believe you, then you are obviously lying.  How does someone like this still have a job?  Guess what.... If it wasn't for the rest of us you wouldn't have a job.  You would have sunk this ship a long time ago.  You are incapable of doing anything.  You pass all your  responsibilities off on everyone else.  I'm so tired of you not taking responsibility for your actions.  I swear you have caused me to have anxiety attacks and driven me into a deeper depression than I already was in.  If I didn't need this god damn job so badly, I would walk.  I can't stand your fake laugh and your fake ass anymore.  One of us needs to go and I will be first to volunteer when the time comes.  I can't stand your very presence!

Who is to blame?

So I have come to the realization that I blame others for a lot of my problems.  I've really always known I do it, just didn't want to admit it.  A friend told me about an experience she has been going thru and how we create stories for our lives.  And we continue to live in these stories.  Makes sense.  My story for years has to blame my husband for everything that goes wrong in our marriage.  From the beginning I have blamed him.  It was his fault that I couldn;t have a wedding.  Because the demands of people around us became too much for me and he didn't stand up to them and help me.  So this has been replaying in my head for many years.  I don't enjoy going to weddings, watching wedding things on Tv or even looking at a wedding magazine.  Just makes me angry and wants to start again blaming him for all the issues.  Nothing we can do about it now, but that doesn't mean that I don't think about what we could've had.  I kept telling my self for years that it's just one day and it's not that important.  Well ya know, it was important to me and that is a time I will never get back. Sure I can live vicariously thru my daughter one day.  I just hope that she listens to me when I tell her to make sure she does what she wants and not what everyone else wants her to do. 

My husband is not the only one I blame for this mess.  There are others.  But he is here and they are not.  So it's easier for me to target the blame on him.  I tried bottling up the emotions and pretending that it didn't bother me or that I was ok with it.  Well I wasn't and I'm still not.  But it is time to let go and move on.  I will never again allow people to manipulate me or the situations.  I will stand up for myself and make my intentions clear so there is no confusion on what I want. 

Wife vs Mother?

Therapy....this is going to be my therapy.  A way for me to vent my frustrations of daily life.  A way to pound my fists and kick and scream like my three year old.  Because of course as adults we can not behave this way.  Well we can, but it's not socially acceptable. 

So the question of Wife vs Mother.  So the lines of Wife and Mother are becoming blurred.  Am I a Wife or Mother?  My question stems from a recent arguement I had with my husband.  I feel like i'm no longer a wife, I feel like just a mother.  Cooking,cleaning, laundring for not just two children, but for three.  The third being my husband.  So do men really want a wife or just an extended version of their mother?  Sick to think about really.  Men wanting a wife who is their mother, who treats them like a son.  But think about it.  Isn't that what we do?  We take care of them like a mother would.  So really where is the line between Wife and Mother? 

Many of the behaviors we have as adults stems from behaviors we viewed growing up.  So what kind of example am I setting for my son?  By doing everything for him and catering to his every need will ultimately teach him that women are there to take care of men?  My mother's generation was expected to continue the tradition of catering to a man's every need, no matter what.  However my mother also taught my brothers to cook and gave them the skills to take care of themselves.  She taught me that it was ok to speak my mind and to be an independent woman.  That I didn't necessarily need a man to feel complete. 

So if men want an extension of their mother, then my father pick the farthest thing from his.  And my husband defintely picked the farthest from his mother.  But why are we still expected to fullfill those requirements of a mother.