Mr Rebates

Mr. Rebates

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I can breathe

So another relationship down the drain.  Except this time I wanted this to happen.  Funny thing is everything did work out as planned.  Coddling someone and dealing with their issues is exhausting .  I am so glad this is over and done with.  This feeling of being trapped and sufficating is finally gone.  Why I subject myself to this ridiculous behavoir is just unacceptable.  I'm realizing that I am too concerned with the other person's feelings to pay attention to my own.  So worried about hurting them and their suffering to see my own.  I fall hard for people, hoping for the best, ignoring the things that bother me.  But eventually those things creep up and it's just so hard to ignore.  By that time you are so far in that no matter what you do it's gonna hurt.  But it didn't hurt this time.  No this time I couldn't be happier with the outcome.  I will admit that I was a total bitch at the end, and that's exactly the way I wanted it.  It's obvious that I have personal issues I am dealing with but why is it that every man I find has crazy ex's,baby mamma drama, or are just plain crazy.  I know the type of man I want but i think my fear is that it would be too much work.  So I go after the easy ones.  The ones I know that won't betray me.  Because they are too weak.  There is one person in my life that has been there for the last 10 years, always waiting in the wings.  I've not wanted to persue anything for fear that it would ruin our friendship, but maybe thats what I need now more than ever.  Is a great friendship and not a relationship.  I'm gonna take things easy for awhile and do what I said I would do before.  That is just hanging out with people, meeting new people and living life.  Not putting life on hold because someone suddenly comes into it.  I neglect my friends when I have someone in my life and I need to break that habit.  I need to include everyone in my life at all times.  I need to stop making someone else a priority and make me the prority(obvious all after my kids). 

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