the future

It's a scary place....But an exciting place.  So many things not known about what it holds.  All I can do anymore is hope for the best and expect the worst.  But thats the problem, I always expect the worst.  I expect people to disappoint me or for the bottom to drop out.  Guess that's what I'm waiting for now.  Yesterday it hit me that this all could fall apart.  And what will I be left with?  More broken promises, more heart ache, and more resentment. 

I recently changed my perspective on a certain life change.  Since as long as I can remember I have always said that I would never get married again.  Not just since my seperation.  I had been saying this for years.  But recently that topic has been of much discussion.  I have made it crystal clear to anyone who comes into my life that this is not up for negotiation.  Of course a certain someone had to test those waters.  But the outcome surprised me,I think the most.  I am open for it.  But if I do it again, I want the big thing.  And I don't mean a huge to do.  But I want to experience all those joys and stresses that are involved.  You only live once and I'm tired of regretting not doing it.  Now thats not to say I'm gonna marry someone just to have that experience.  Absolutely not!  But it needs to be the right person.